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Life bites.

I want to talk to someone about what's going on in my life, but it's so hard to just pick up the phone, dial a number, and say, "So, my dad fell and broke his hip. A week ago my 93-year-old grandmother did the same thing. She was recovering, but now she has been readmitted to the hospital where she is suffering a-fib and recovering from a blood clot to the lungs; she's likely to die soon, and all I can worry about is how my father who has been striving to recover from hip surgery like her will handle the news of her passing. I'm deathly afraid he's just going to give up on life."

How do you even say something like that to someone?

How can people juggle jobs, care for loved ones--both injured and worried--, keep self-destructing siblings from having meltdowns, care for three very sad dogs, and cope with dying family members all while maintaining a home for a family to return to when everything is over?

It's so hard.

I hate being an adult, and I'm so, so lonely right now.

I just want to talk to someone close to me, but few people I know are mature enough to understand anything I have to say about all of this. I've only spoken with one person due to this very fact, and I love her with all my heart for listening to me. You know who you are should you read this. Thank you.

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Whoa, LJ has certainly changed!

I just hopped onto this account to look for something, but man--Livejournal has sure changed!

That observation worthy of Captain Obvious aside, I've been really enjoying Fafner Exodus, Aldnoah Zero, and Sailor Moon Crystal so far.

The animation is certainly much smoother in this series of Fafner, and it's just as intense as storyline that was built toward the end of the first series. As the ending theme begins to play over the last bit of content for the episode, I always find myself wishing I could just marathon the series. There are so many foreboding phrases and visual hints, not to mention Soushi's doom-and-gloom, after-the-fact reflections. I just want to know what happens!

Aldnoah Zero--I feel like this has been overhyped on my Tumblr. It's okay, but it's definitely not holding my interest as well as it probably should. I just can't identify with any of the characters because they are boring to me.

Sailor Moon Crystal is cute. It's my shoujo series for a while. It's considerably more like the manga than the original anime, and I'm okay with that. I like the pacing of the series, and I love the fact that the transformation sequences don't last forever.

Anyway, I've been down with the flu for a week. I've been avoiding grading essays and reading Animal Farm (I hate that book, but I have to teach it) by reflecting on things I used to like doing with my life: reading for enjoyment and writing out of a pure, unadulterated passion for the creative process.

Thinking along those lines, I decided to take a look at the story I have been writing since I was in middle school and picked up once while I was a freshman in college. While my writing style has changed a bit over the course of nearly eight (goodness, it's been a while) years, it is not a considerably noticeable difference from my original style. This is a good thing.

I want to continue that story. I want to develop the lives of those characters. I had created nations, cultures, customs, holidays, worldwide beliefs, history, and characters--all rich with detail and purpose. I have the inner workings of a flourishing world in my mind and several chapters already written and awaiting review; I just need to put my fingers to the keyboard and let my thoughts splash across the screen.

A confidant is needed in my life--well, a confidant and time. I am still working on securing that second concept, and my week-long illness has definitely cramped my plans when it comes to having "me" time.

Now, I do believe I am beginning to ramble, so I think I will leave things here.

Fanart

More power to those who can draw fanart and actually get it to look like the character while using their own style of art. Seriously. Everything I draw looks so different from the original that I often wonder if anyone can honestly tell who the character is that I have drawn. Sometimes I think people are just being super nice when they compliment my art; I think it looks bad, more often than not.

I've been working on a picture of Sherlock for a few days and pretty much decided to scrap it today. I had started it from scratch, not even using any sketchy line art as a guide. I was proud of it until I started the face.

Now I am redoing that piece with a sketch as a guide. The sketch is still not perfect, but I believe it is better.

I think I should avoid posting things on Facebook for a while, if only because I get compliments I don't think I deserve. I am by no means a professional artist. It's just a hobby, and while I enjoy drawing, there are so many other people out there instead of me who should receive recognition for their awesome talent. :/

Not complaining, really. These are really just my thoughts on this matter. I really am liking this sketch, though. Sherlock is extremely hard to draw. It's a challenge to step outside of my comfort zone like this. :)

Here's a preview, if anyone wants to see it!Collapse )

Long Time No Type

Hey there, Livejournal. Long time no type.

Not much has been happening in my life, aside from work, work, work.

I won't be at SMS after this week due to redistricting, but I have a job for next year with a friend whom I adore. That's more than I would ever hope to ask for.

I'm slowly replacing appliances around the house. I won't be working over the summer, so mayhaps I can actually get something done.

A crush a long time past is resurfacing, and that's awful. Nothing good will come of it; only jealousy will arise, and that's something I do not need in my life. I have enough stress as it is without inflicting it upon myself.

My dogs are still crazy. Tiger's sick, though, and I don't know how to make her feel any better. As much as I love her, I cannot afford a vet visit. She was sick like this about three weeks ago, though, and her health improved then, so I'm hoping that the case will be much the same this time.

Laura's visit was pleasant. She was surprisingly mellow. It must be the bipolar meds. I've never seen her act that calm. It's a nice change. I hope she makes it through the rest of rehab without too much issue. She sought me out and gave me a huge before she left; I didn't expect that.

Finals are this week. I'm trying to work up the urge to create reviews and games for my classes to study before then. I feel particularly lazy today. I'll get it done, but damn, procrastination has chosen a bad time to strike me.

This summer, I want to write a book, even if no one will ever read it. I'm out of practice when it comes to writing, imagining, dreaming. I want to do something that does not involve strict deadlines and requirements of success.

I also want to lose weight and cosplay again.

That is all.
I don't know if I should be a teacher. I don't know what else I could do, though. I'm not qualified for anything.
There's no fucking way I'm going to have anyone at my graduation ceremony. It's apparently the one for NSU BA, but that includes all colleges. That means my dad won't be able to attend because he no longer has the attention span to leave the house for that long, and Mom won't be able to go because she'll have to watch Dad. I have no one else. I fucking hate NSU right now.

I hate everything about this stupid college.
Today's a bad day. I'm sick. Feisty died.

When I let the puppies in from outside, Gremlin ran to get my attention, brought me to Feisty, settled down beside her, and proceeded to cry. I think that made this whole thing hit home more than anything else.

Rest in peace, my crazy, loving, loyal friend. I hope you are shielded from any further hurt wherever you have gone.
Well, my van's inoperable for a while. A severe wreck was certainly a wonderful way to start the day.

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